As we approach the holiday season, families across the country are preparing to gather and spend time together. For families with high school seniors in the midst of the college admissions process, this can be a particularly tender time.
Seniors are waiting—sometimes patiently, often impatiently—for news from colleges. They’re anxious, sometimes doubting themselves, wondering what the outcome will be after all their hard work. This is my annual reminder to families about approaching this season with gratitude while helping your teen navigate what can be unexpectedly challenging conversations.
Why Gratitude Matters in the College Process
You might be wondering what gratitude has to do with college applications. Here’s what I’ve learned: gratitude has everything to do with how we as adults show up for our teenagers during this process.
Gratitude comes easily when things are going well. When we’re happy and content with life, it’s natural to feel grateful and appreciate the good we see around us. It becomes much more challenging when things aren’t going as we hoped.
Throughout the college admissions journey, students experience both great moments and disappointing ones. As parents, we have an opportunity to model how to find gratitude regardless of the outcomes—even when it’s difficult.
I won’t pretend this happens overnight. Finding gratitude after receiving disappointing news isn’t something that typically happens in the first 24 or 48 hours. But if we can model for our teenagers that these moments of disappointment are opportunities to learn and grow, we give them a valuable life skill.
When a College Says “No”
Here’s an important perspective I share with families: when a college says no, there’s genuinely—almost always—a good reason why. It means that school isn’t the right place for your student. It really isn’t.
When we can help teenagers understand and eventually feel grateful that a college said “we’re not the right fit for you,” we help them see that the rejection may have saved them from attending a place where they wouldn’t have truly thrived.
This reframing doesn’t eliminate the sting of disappointment, but it opens the door to gratitude even in difficult moments.
The Holiday Gathering Challenge
Beyond gratitude, there’s another dynamic that happens during the holidays that I want to help you navigate: the well-intentioned relative or family friend who wants to talk to your teen about college.
Picture this: You’re at Thanksgiving dinner, and Great Aunt Susie asks, “Where are you going to college next year?” Or Grandpa, who’s enthusiastic about his alma mater, says, “You’re definitely going to State U if you get in, right?”
The questions come fast: “What are your results?” “Why don’t you know yet?” “What’s your top choice?”
Nobody has bad intentions. They’re genuinely interested and excited for your student. But these questions can create real stress, especially when:
- There aren’t any decisions to report yet
- Your student wants to keep their college list private
- They’re still waiting to see all their options before making a choice
- They’ve received disappointing news they’re not ready to discuss
This doesn’t just affect seniors. Even juniors who are just beginning the process sometimes face these questions at family gatherings.
Preparing Your Teen for Success
Here’s where parents and trusted adults can make a real difference: help your teen plan ahead for these conversations.
Before holiday gatherings, sit down with your student and talk through potential scenarios:
“If someone asks about your top choice or where you hope to go, what feels comfortable for you to say?”
“If Grandpa pushes about his favorite school, how do you want to respond?”
Help them understand that they’re well within their rights to say things like:
- “I don’t know yet, and I’m not really sure.”
- “I’m not ready to talk about it until I have all the decisions, because once I have all my options, I’ll be able to make my final choice.”
- “When I know, I’ll be so excited to share!”
Whatever works for your family dynamic is what matters. The goal is setting your teen up for success so they don’t feel frustrated or caught off guard.
When Parents Should Step In
Sometimes, depending on your relationship with the person asking questions, it’s appropriate for you as the parent to step in and redirect the conversation.
You might say something like: “We’re going to wait to talk about that until we have all the answers” or “Let’s not discuss college at the dinner table today.”
This teaches your student that it’s okay to set boundaries while showing relatives that this is a sensitive topic right now.
By Thanksgiving, there may not be many college decisions yet—though some students do hear back early. I certainly have students in early November who have already received news from colleges. Regardless of timing, it can still be a point of tension.
Teaching Confident Navigation
The goal is to help our students navigate these conversations with confidence and grace. We want to teach them that:
- It’s perfectly okay to say “I don’t know yet because I don’t have all the answers”
- They don’t need to share information they’re not ready to discuss
- Being respectful doesn’t mean they have to answer every question
- When they do have news to share, they can do so with excitement on their own timeline
Maintaining Gratitude Through It All
Throughout the highs and lows of this season—waiting on decisions, handling family questions, experiencing both acceptances and rejections—I hope you can continue searching for gratitude and reasons to be grateful.
Help your student see that wherever they land, there will be opportunities to grow and thrive. Model resilience and the ability to find silver linings even in disappointment.
You’re Not Alone
At Stodghill Consulting, we support parents just as much as we support students. The emotional journey of college admissions affects the whole family, and we understand the unique challenges that arise during the holidays.
If you’re feeling uncertain about how to support your teen through family gatherings, handle difficult conversations, or maintain perspective during this waiting period, please reach out. We’re here to help you navigate not just the logistics of applications, but the emotional landscape of this important transition.
About Stodghill Consulting
At Stodghill Consulting, we believe in supporting families through every aspect of the college journey—including the emotional challenges that come with waiting, disappointment, and family dynamics. With collectively more than 40 years of experience, we help families navigate this process with gratitude, perspective, and confidence. Learn more about working with us.
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