How to Avoid Taking Over Your Child’s College Essay

When it comes to your teenager, you want the very best for them. 

You want them to have every opportunity for success. And sometimes, in your effort to help, you may step in a little too much.

I feel you.

And I get it. 

No judgment here.

I’ve been there myself (still am some days, with my college sophomore). 

But this is a gentle reminder to resist the urge to insert yourself too much into the college essay writing process.

Also Read: 5 Common College Application Essay Mistakes Students Should Avoid

I know it’s hard to hold back. After all, you only want to help. But here’s what you should keep in mind:

1. College application readers can absolutely tell the difference between a 17-year-old’s voice and that of a 40-50 something year old. The essay should reflect your child’s authentic voice and style.
2. Rewording even one or two sentences can result in phrasing that feels out of place, disrupting the flow and tone of the essay, or the genuine style of the teenager.
3. Rejecting ideas or edits can unintentionally send the message that you don’t trust your child’s abilities, undermining their confidence.
4. Too many cooks in the kitchen – if your child is already working with a counselor or coach, adding your feedback can create confusion. They trust you, but you’re not an essay expert.
5. Not all teens are strong writers, and that’s okay! This type of writing is new and difficult for them. What matters is that they’ve done their best and for you to accept that. Especially if they are proud of the work.

So how can you step back and let them handle this important aspect of their journey? Here are a few tips: 

1. Don’t read the essay at all. Crazy, right? If your child has professional essay guidance, wait until after the application is submitted to see their work.
2. Remember the essay isn’t everything. It’s an opportunity for your child to showcase their personality and character, but rarely THE tipping point in the process.
3. Weigh the time spent stressing into perspective. Admissions officers may on average spend 90 to 150 seconds reading an essay. Consider whether your level of stress fretting over a 500-650 word essay is worth that.
4. Ask yourself if you truly know what the reader wants to hear. Parents often think the essay needs to be some profound revelation from their child’s past 17 years, but many teens haven’t had life-altering experiences. Sometimes, a funny essay about mustard, or writing the story like a script, best reflects their reality. 
5. Keep in mind that none of us can predict who the reader will be. It could be a 23-year-old recent grad or a 55-year-old seasoned Dean of Admissions – each will likely have different opinions about what is profound, funny, interesting, etc. 

As usual, this advice is yours to take or ignore, but I’ve seen a rise in many well-meaning parents forcing their children to change their essay topic and unintentionally strip the originality from their child’s essay.

The stress this causes the students I work with can be hard to watch. 

As someone who’s read thousands of essays, I can tell you, sometimes the quirky, unexpected ones shine brightest. In fact, one of my personal favorites was about mustard!

The key is for your child to be themselves.

If you feel your teen needs help with their essay, please reach out to myself or Jennie Hubbard, our essay expert. Jennie will guide them through brainstorming, writing authentically, and revising until they have a polished final essay they can be proud of.

Also, when you’re ready, here are three ways we can help your teen find their best-fit college:

At Stodghill College Consulting, we help each high schooler showcase their unique skills and talents, discover their own brilliant voice, and find a college that will enable them to reach their full potential as young adults.

• Schedule a free discovery call to discuss how we can create an action plan to help your child keep on top of deadlines and create a college list that is personalized to their strengths and talents.

• Get college essay writing support from our essay expert, who will guide your teen through brainstorming and revising until they have a polished final product.

• Hang out in our free Facebook Group for parents where you can ask your burning questions, get answers from myself and the community, and access our extensive video library on college application topics.