I hear frustrations from families constantly about how much of the college admissions process feels completely out of their control. While it’s true that students can’t control every aspect of admissions outcomes, focusing on what they CAN control helps provide perspective and agency during this challenging time.
When families step back and look at the broader picture, they often realize students have more control over their college journey than they initially thought. Here are the key areas where students hold real power in shaping their experience and outcomes.
Extracurricular Activities and Level of Involvement
For younger students just entering high school, there’s significant control over choices of extracurricular activities and depth of involvement, whether through school, community organizations, or other opportunities outside the classroom.
This remains true for older students as well, though the window for major changes becomes shorter later in high school. The key principle I always share with students: if it’s not working for you, it’s not the right thing to be doing.
Our practice is committed to helping families understand that activity choices should be made in the context of well-being and health, in addition to how they might help students grow outside the classroom. Taking care of themselves is the most important factor.
Students can control:
- What activities they choose to pursue
- How deeply they want to get involved
- How busy they allow themselves to become
- When to step back from commitments that aren’t serving them
Academic Choices Throughout High School
Another significant area of control involves academic decisions: what classes to take and how to challenge yourself throughout high school.
I recognize that many high schools have structures and parameters that might gatekeep certain classes to some extent. However, there’s usually opportunity at some point to make meaningful choices about coursework.
Students can influence:
- Course selection within available options
- Level of academic challenge they’re ready to handle
- Sequencing of advanced classes
- Balance between rigor and well-being
Effort: Always Under Student Control
One thing that’s always within a student’s power to control is their effort—in the classroom, in activities outside of school, and in simply being a good person. These are valuable life lessons about how you show up and where you put forth your best effort.
This is an important reminder we can give students without being naggy as parents. From a supportive perspective, when students are looking for something they can control, effort is always available to them.
Effort applies to:
- Academic performance and engagement
- Commitment to extracurricular activities
- Personal character and relationships
- Growth mindset and resilience
Application Strategy: Where and How to Apply
As students get deeper into the process, they can control fundamental strategic decisions about their college search and applications.
Students have agency over:
- Where they want to apply
- Which schools they’ll visit and research
- How they approach strategic list building
- Looking for the right fit and match in terms of academics, social environment, and emotional compatibility
This ties directly into what I discuss frequently about strategic list building and finding schools that truly match each individual student. This is something students can take responsibility for and approach from the perspective of what best serves their unique needs and goals.
Essay Writing: Their Story, Their Voice
Students have complete control over their essay writing and what they choose to discuss in their personal statements. While they need to respond to prompts from the Common App options, they get to decide what story they want to tell.
Students often worry excessively about this part of the process, but remembering that the essay is their decision and something they can control provides reassurance as they work through applications.
Students control:
- Which stories to share
- How to present their experiences
- What aspects of their personality to highlight
- The voice and tone of their writing
Timeline and Project Management
Students can control their timeline and project management approach, though external factors sometimes impact these decisions.
What I mean by timeline control is that students can look at application deadlines for their target schools and create a plan that puts them in charge of when work needs to be completed and how much needs to be accomplished at any given time.
Timeline management includes:
- Breaking the large project into manageable steps
- Creating realistic deadlines for each component
- Managing stress through strategic planning
- Taking responsibility for staying on track
Since college applications represent a significant undertaking, ensuring the process is broken down into manageable steps helps many students feel more in control and able to take charge of their responsibilities.
The Final Decision: Perhaps the Best Part
Maybe the most empowering aspect of the entire process is that students get to control the final decision about where to attend college.
This may involve input from parents regarding financial considerations and other factors, but once acceptance letters arrive and students are looking at their options, they have significant control over that final choice.
Final decision factors students can weigh:
- Academic fit and program quality
- Campus culture and social environment
- Financial considerations and value
- Geographic preferences
- Gut feelings and personal excitement
- Long-term goals and opportunities
The Bigger Picture: More Control Than You Think
When viewed from this perspective, students actually have substantial control over their college admissions experience. While they can’t control final outcomes, the number of applications colleges receive in any given year, or admission committee decisions, they can manage many crucial aspects of the process.
Areas outside student control:
- Final admission decisions
- Number of applicants to each school
- Changes in admission policies
- Economic factors affecting enrollment
- Competition from other students
Areas within student control:
- Academic effort and engagement
- Extracurricular choices and commitment
- Application strategy and school selection
- Essay topics and storytelling
- Timeline management and organization
- Final enrollment decision
Finding Agency Reduces Stress
Focusing on what’s manageable individually for each student through this process helps lighten the load and takes burden off their shoulders when college admissions feels overwhelming and out of control.
Benefits of focusing on controllable factors:
- Reduced anxiety about uncertain outcomes
- Increased sense of personal agency
- Better decision-making throughout the process
- More strategic approach to applications
- Greater confidence in final choices
Moving Forward with Intention
Rather than feeling helpless in the face of competitive admissions, students can approach college planning with intention and purpose. By concentrating energy on areas they can influence, students often find the process becomes more manageable and less stressful.
Practical steps for maintaining control:
- Regular check-ins about well-being and balance
- Strategic planning for applications and deadlines
- Authentic self-reflection for essays and school selection
- Consistent effort in academics and activities
- Open communication with family about preferences and concerns
Support Throughout the Process
While students have significant control over many aspects of college admissions, they don’t have to navigate this complex process alone. Professional guidance can help students maximize the areas within their control while providing perspective on elements beyond their influence.
The goal is empowering students to take ownership of their college journey while maintaining realistic expectations about outcomes. When students understand what they can and cannot control, they’re better equipped to make strategic decisions and approach the process with confidence rather than anxiety.
Remember: College admissions may feel unpredictable, but students have more power over their experience than they often realize. By focusing on controllable factors and making intentional choices, students can navigate this process successfully while maintaining their well-being and sense of agency.
Need help identifying and maximizing the areas your student can control in college admissions? Our team specializes in strategic planning that empowers students while reducing family stress. Book a FREE CALL to learn how we can support your family through every controllable aspect of the college process.
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